Monday, August 23, 2010

getting personal


pretty beautiful space via skona hem.

i'm cleaning, really cleaning, my studio today.  i need to make it a space i can feel comfortable and relaxed in.  without getting too personal i do want to share with you that the last few weeks have been rough for me.  if this were just a personal blog and not attached to my business it would be somewhat easier to know where the appropriate boundaries lie when it comes to what to share and what not.  although blogging in general is tricky and makes me wonder not only what to share but why do i want to share it?  i have friends; i sometimes write in a journal.  these are the obvious places to deposit the personal.  to help with sorting it out.  on the other hand, i'm here on the blog a lot.  i work from home.  i have organized my life so that the lines between personal and public are a bit murky. 

as i rearrange and clean in my studio i'm also thinking of something else.  i am a person who needs to have her surroundings reflect her.  if i am out of sync with my environment i am a bit of a mess.  i know many people who are not this way.  but for me a home is a very personal creation.  not just a place to be when you're not at work.  and to be totally honest i have never exactly felt that my environment reflects me.  as i write that i wonder if i am being too egocentric, too needy, too selfish.  overthinking.

the bottom line is i am a woman who needs to express herself creatively.  it's not something i decided upon.  it's who i am.  my hunch is that if you are reading my blog you may feel this way as well.  so i suppose that is why i am writing this.  getting personal.  looking for reassurance perhaps.

anyway, i'm not gonna go back and edit this ramble.  i'm just gonna send it on out to you.  with good thoughts and wishes and in an effort to connect with people like me.
xx

20 comments:

Inklore said...

sorry you've had a tough few weeks; for me, i don't mind sharing that i've had a tough time, but i only share the details with close friends. i need the safety of boundaries.

Cathy Cullis said...

I can connect with how you feel, especially the need to create and to have a personal creative home. Best wishes, Cathy

Denise said...

I can relate and hear you and appreciate your bravery xo

Estyn said...

I really identify with what you're saying about dancing the privacy line.

Hope this week feels better.

kvk said...

Goodness - feels like I could have written this. I'm thinking there's crazy planetary things going on as so many kindred spirits are experiencing similar things.
Your willingness to share your world is a gift to those of us who share your vision and aesthetic and I for one am very grateful to have found your exquisite work and on-line world.
blessings

Sarah L. Hunt said...

Good luck with the studio cleaning, Liane! I also need a space that reflects me and I am working on it now (!!!): http://squidwhaledesigns.blogspot.com/

Next stop, cleaning up my home/Etsy studio...

:)

Barbara said...

I am glad you put this here. It is very reassuring to know someone else out there has these thoughts.
I've questioned myself a lot on why I need to blog and why I need so much for my home to be a reflection of myself.
I think the best part of the blog,(besides being able to add many pictures without gluing! and music!) is the connection that you make with other bloggers.
This has been such a source of encouragement and support for me in my life, and in a way that is different than my in -person friends.
I honestly can not wait to see what you do with your space. You have such a lovely sensibility.
I also have to tell you how wonderful it has been to come here and stumble on interviews with Artists like J. Morgan Puett and Kiki Smith. It's been truly very inspiring!

Anna Allen said...

hello! yes yes i can relate to what you've written. i too, wonder how much personal i should have in my blog. i went from way too personal (back in my livejournal days) to really trying to avoid posting when i know i'm upset. but there are times when you just have to post something. even if it's so people out there realize you are not quite yourself or need some time or whatever. the internet world is a crazy wonderful weird and confusing place. ;) happy blogging and happy monday!

Beth Twist said...

Sometimes it is hard for me to put a finger on the reasons I am feeling "off" on a given day/week/month. Often, in retrospect I realize that it was in direct correlation with an upsetting of my home aesthetic or a lack of the exact materials I want for an artistic endeavor burning in my soul.

I usually choose to keep the darker thoughts and feelings to myself, rather than sharing them on my blog... I suppose because it feels so trivial to be knocked off of my cart by a lack of the desired color or texture or ambience.

And when the darkness comes from a real, personal hurt or from watching a loved one struggle, it is so hard to bare my soul to a world of people whose faces I have never seen, or whose expressions are fixed by photographs.

Wouldn't it be great to sit together, unhindered by responsibility and life, in a great field of wildflowers and share openly with those who, I suspect, are kindred spirits, but who remain separated from us by miles of cable and flatscreens?

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Vintage Simple said...

I'm sorry you've been having a rough few weeks. So have I, to tell you the truth.

I believe both our homes and our blogs are extensions of ourselves. So, yes - I get what you are saying completely. I care about what my space looks and feels like - and I need it to nurturing and safe and comfortable in ways that sometimes may seem... extreme to those who do not need that, and happily live in a white box.

And, yes, I also struggle with that elusive balance between what I want to keep private and that which I want to share...and I don't think I have any answers there. There are days when maybe I share too much - and periods when I don't share at all.

What I can say with certainty is this: I'm glad you published this post here today, and I am glad that I stopped by to read it.

I hope your studio is becoming more and more what you want and need it to be...and that you feel better soon.

xoox,
-maria

Janis said...

Funny I should come across your blog today. I understand this concept very well, having to feel connected to your environment, and it being a reflection of who you are. I have lived in a lovely house for 14 years, though the neighborhood has been very wrong for us - we are quiet artist and out of place where we live now. It's felt rather hostile at times making it hard for art making... So - we have finally put the house up for sale and are anxiously awaiting a buyer. Can't wait move, and to find our community, clear or heads, take a breath, and create with a new perspective.

Wish you the best of luck, and hoping you find your happiness soon... xo

Kim said...

Amen, Sistah! I feel the very same way! That's why I read your blog! Plus you make me laugh and that is a great gift you have!

Angela (Posy Moe) said...

I'm only now getting my home to truly reflect who I am creatively. Mainly because I'm just discovering who that is! I think its okay to share personal highlights on a blog if there is a relevant lesson to be learned in it. A retrospective, if you will. Rants, and other raw displays of emotion are probably better left to our journals. Sorry you've had a rough few weeks. I'm sending you peaceful vibes.

Jane Flanagan said...

I get this too. Tonight I wanted to do something and couldn't sit down to it until I tidied and organized and got my place in the same state as my mind.

But I think what you're saying is more profound than that. And I understand that too: Your being pervades your surroundings and colours the world for you...

I hope things are less rough this week.

xx

Susan said...

This will likely sound weird to some, maybe not so much to others, but I swear on the clouds that astrology -that is, learning more about the dynamics of constant conversation in each unique set of energies - saved my sanity. And yes, we've been through months of wacky planetary ruckus. Easing up now, thank goodness. And I'm a total poser in the sense that knowing a little bit gives me what I need as opposed to digging in and learning every.little.thing. But hanging out with people who "get" me and my interests - who don't dismiss what makes my world calmer - makes all the difference too. I lost one of those sweet few this year, quite suddenly with no chance to say fare-thee-well, and I know it happened to you too. Leaves a big jagged piece of heart that selfishly struggles with the missing of her. Like sharing secrets. Which reminds me that I haven't shared one per your request. Eeeek. Scary but here it is: Sometimes I'm very ready to leave this world.

Sarah said...

i'm with Susan; that astrology helped me through a time when i was prity far gone. same as therapy, but better for me because it's hands on and ultimately you take what you want from it rather that someone telling you how things are.

BUT, I would also say that as a creative person these rough patches are unavoidable and in some ways necessary.

doesn't make them easier.
i'm feeling you, boo. hand in there.

Debra said...

I can really relate to so much of what you wrote in this post. I actually wrote a similar post not that long ago on my own blog. I'm sorry you're in a rough spot...I hope you can find some resolve soon.

_Deb

rebecca said...

I have been thinking about this post ...

I know as a "reader only" of blogs, I wish people would be, could be more realistic and honest. It would make this journey of life feel less lonely- and THAT (feeling alone and un-connected) is the main reason I am reading the darn blogs to begin with. I am honest with myself about the fact that alot people are trying to make a living connected to those blogs and it is VERY public so there is that "weird space" of sharing so openly....there are creepy weirdos out there. i do want to repeat though, i long for for heart felt, honest, open sharing of their joy and their mundane and ..... their pain.

becky

=mew= said...

I think Becky puts it eloquently and succinctly. To that I'd add just do what feels right for you. If it helps to post something, then be brave and do it. You can be sure someone reading it feels the same way and is helped by the message.