Wednesday, December 22, 2010

winter solstice


last night was a good night spent with friends and friends of friends at the organic and off-grid farm ethan worked at this past summer.  we ate food grown right there.  on my plate: lamb stew, red cabbage slaw, ham, pumpkin pie.  there was a bonfire and ethan and his girl spent most of their time out there but i stayed in because there were guitars and banjos and a uke and singing along.  i love sing-a-longs.  there was poetry reading and stories told aloud.  one of my closest, rachel, was there with me.  so many things i hold most dear.

this has not been an easy year for me.  but this was a good night.  and i hope a harbinger of things to come.  a sign and a good omen.

i want to tell you a little something right now. 

remember how i hit a deer with my car not long ago?  it was so very sad.  but there was a moment in all of it that stays with me.  right before impact when the deer must have been just feet away.  but still running.  and in my headlights.  time slowed down.  i could see the rhythm of it's four legs running.  almost as if i was running.  and i could almost feel the fur on it's back.  and it was almost as if it was my fur.  this may sound peculiar to you.  maybe a little ptsd or something.  i'll give you that.  and none of this takes away from the fact that a beautiful creature died that night.  but still there's this:  there was a moment when i knew that there wasn't much distance at all between me and that deer.  in fact, there was a moment where i knew that me and that deer were essentially the same thing.

with all the hardship i have had this year (many things i don't share here but perhaps you've gotten a glimpse based on my tone or subject matter) that moment will remain an important one.  

there isn't much distance between you all and me either, i think.  our joys and sorrows are probably very similar.

so at the end of this year and as the days slowly begin to brighten i'm wishing you and me happiness.  so much happiness that it can barely be contained.  i know that there wouldn't be a point to happy without sad.  but right now all i'm saying is i'm ready for happy. 

happy winter solstice. 
happy holidays and merry christmas.
happy happy new year.

much love,
liane

12 comments:

Jill said...

i'm usually shy on leaving comments, but i love reading your blog and i'm wishing you peace and happiness in the new year.
best, jill

tara said...

you are the bee's knees and the cat's pajamas and maybe even the whole shebang.
let's get together before it's spring, sweet girl. let's promise. xo, and thank you for this beautiful perfect solstice post.

Debra said...

Such a touching post...I wish you abundant happiness, Liane.

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

_Deb

The Oak Leaves said...

Thanks so much for that.

And it doesn't seem peculiar, It just sounds right...

I wish I could have been at that party to meet you last night!
Sounds like the best of the best!

I wish you a good everything as well...

BananaSaurusRex said...

Your post makes me want to take a long quiet walk in cold fresh air. Want to come with?

Lisa said...

i echo jill - i read and very much enjoy several blogs, but i've only commented maybe once or twice.
your post moved me-- or rather, it stopped me in my tracks and took my breath for a moment. yes, we are all connected. thank you for putting this out there. all best wishes to you for calmness, contentment, ease, confidence, acceptance and clarity in this coming new year. Best, Lisa

Mandy Behrens said...

Liane -- I always enjoy reading your passages. I'm thinking only happy/positive thoughts for 2011 for all of us. Hugs from afar, Mandy

=mew= said...

Much happiness and peace to you, Liane. Thank you for sharing with us.
--Mary Ellen

helen said...

I have just found your blog. Your description of the deer running and you feeling so connected to it is wonderful and touching. I am hoping for an easier time too in 2011.

Jane Flanagan said...

Merry Christmas, Liane!!

Lots of love to you

Jane
xx

greenemama said...

::heart:: i think you're the best! and i do wish i was close enough to "feel the fur" and get one of those jade plant cuttings. :)

nicole said...

Oh yes, happiness for you and me and all creatures great and small. I know what you mean about being connected. It's not weird to me.

Joy, health and peace for 2011! Thank you for sharing bits of your beautiful work, thoughts and feelings.