last night was a good night spent with friends and friends of friends at the organic and off-grid farm ethan worked at this past summer. we ate food grown right there. on my plate: lamb stew, red cabbage slaw, ham, pumpkin pie. there was a bonfire and ethan and his girl spent most of their time out there but i stayed in because there were guitars and banjos and a uke and singing along. i love sing-a-longs. there was poetry reading and stories told aloud. one of my closest, rachel, was there with me. so many things i hold most dear.
this has not been an easy year for me. but this was a good night. and i hope a harbinger of things to come. a sign and a good omen.
i want to tell you a little something right now.
remember how i hit a deer with my car not long ago? it was so very sad. but there was a moment in all of it that stays with me. right before impact when the deer must have been just feet away. but still running. and in my headlights. time slowed down. i could see the rhythm of it's four legs running. almost as if i was running. and i could almost feel the fur on it's back. and it was almost as if it was my fur. this may sound peculiar to you. maybe a little ptsd or something. i'll give you that. and none of this takes away from the fact that a beautiful creature died that night. but still there's this: there was a moment when i knew that there wasn't much distance at all between me and that deer. in fact, there was a moment where i knew that me and that deer were essentially the same thing.
with all the hardship i have had this year (many things i don't share here but perhaps you've gotten a glimpse based on my tone or subject matter) that moment will remain an important one.
there isn't much distance between you all and me either, i think. our joys and sorrows are probably very similar.
so at the end of this year and as the days slowly begin to brighten i'm wishing you and me happiness. so much happiness that it can barely be contained. i know that there wouldn't be a point to happy without sad. but right now all i'm saying is i'm ready for happy.
happy winter solstice.
happy holidays and merry christmas.
happy happy new year.