Wednesday, October 12, 2011

taking applications


hey so two three things:

1.) i had the most effed up dream last night.  really excuse me for the coarse language.  the truth is i say a lot of naughty words in real life but not so much here.  i don't want to make anyone uncomfy.  but sometimes i seriously want to be like, "@&^SH##$F@^$^#B%^!!!!"  

do you cuss?  how many times a day and what are the circumstances?  only when you accidently cut your foot off or more like when you chip your nail polish?  just wondering.

but back to the dream, what happened was i woke up and immediately opened the laptop which was on the bed next to me from the night before (sickness) and i did my usual rounds, half awake, wondering why i don't have a coffee boy and then, BAM, a scene from the dream which i had forgotten popped into my brain and i must have had a look on my face like, GOD, MY WEIRDNESS KNOWS NO BOUNDS, because in the dream, and this is gross so skip this last bit if you are at this moment taking a big bite of something involving tomato sauce or ground beef or something (REALLY, I MEAN IT), someone had the audacity to, um, jeez this is hard to type....scalp me.

ew, right?  WHAT THE?

i think the guy was this child abuser dude who i had previously ratted out to the police and he also happened to be the owner of a small traveling circus.  FIGURES.

and after it happened i needed to get to the hospital, OBVI, but i had some trouble getting there and then once i was there i was being seen by some kind of 12 yo intern and i had to run around the hospital looking for the real doctors (side note- i've been watching old episodes of "grey's anatomy" before bed) and it was all rather.....ANXIETY MUCH, LIANE??

honestly.  where do i get this crap?

of course i then went looking for some sort of guidance from internet dream interpretation sites and decided i either A. am afraid my ideas and thoughts are being stolen or B. i am becoming more emotionally open or C. i need a long "spa" vacation.

but moving right along..

2.) will you please tell me your last dream?  i know i've asked you this before.

3.)  i am currently taking applications for a new position which has opened up here.  your main responsibility will be to have my coffee ready in the morning when i wake up and you will also be required to deliver it to me in bed while i surf the net.  an auxiliary duty will be to listen to me recount my dreams, offer interpretation and finally, drive me to the hospital no questions asked should a child-abusing traveling-circus-oriented man scalps me,  for chrissakes.

10 comments:

Katherine said...

shit. i can't remember any recent dreams. but i will tell you this--i have a mouth like a trucker. and sometimes i feel like it's super fake of me not to say bad words on my blog (though i did drop an eff-ing in reference to my mortgage lady a few months ago. she deserved it) but i think the mormon mommies who read me might have a heart attack if they knew what i sound like in "real life."

this scalping dream is interesting... hope your mind lets you get some rest soon.

xo

No Carnations said...

OK, So I had to stop reading, not because it was gross but because you asked about the last dream I had and I just woke up soooo (you are the first of my "rounds" btw)before I forget more of it...I know it had something to do with living in a large estate house, some people were witches and some were not. We were constantly at each others throat until a large plane crashed into the front lawn and we all came together to help. I remember being surprised at who ended up being witchy and how they used their powers to help the plane people. It did NOT look like a plane on the inside , more like a RV...weird. But then again, this was never going to be normal right? Ok. Now I will finish reading the rest of your post. Oh, and I work in a kitchen with 90% guys. We all cuss like drunken sailors. I try to be more of a lady outside of work, but then I hear crazy politicians speak and it all comes back :)

melissa loves said...

Doesn't it just figure? That the crazy child abuser guy ALSO runs a small traveling circus? hate that.
I think your three interpretations are ALL spot on...you may feel someone is stealing your ideas, you are becoming emotionally more open AND you need a spa vacation. You COULD come down to Jersey, sleep in our guest room ( it's nice! ), participate in the pop up shop and CALL it a spa vacay! :) This made me laugh so hard and let me see if I can recall my latest weird ass dream.....( thinking) oh, and you KNOW I cuss like the worst trucker ever...just fyi.....( still thinking) .....
okay, well I think we were trying to save the world and we were flying....our little dog we lost was with us and she was like a superior tracker. She would dive down under the water and bring up stuff we desperately needed to solve the problem and save the world. Since she is no longer alive, it made me extremely melancholy when I woke up and miss her terribly.
( crickets)
ok, so that wasn't all that weird or gross....but, it was the best I could come up with.
oh! and then someone scalped me. I forgot that part! :)
xoxo
Melis

Michelle @ Give a Girl a Fig said...

Sad to say...I do cuss. For a good while I was really good at curbing the cussing. Becuase at one time in my life every sentence contained some sort of cuss word. However...as of late, I've taken to cussing again. And not becuase I cut off a foot...but more like I forgot to add flour to the roux. Petty stuff...

The Oak Leaves said...

well since i just woke up (which is ridiculous because it is noon) I can sort of remember... so here goes the rambling:

First I seemed to be in a college situation like the sort of crappy restaurants they'll have in there buildings. it was late and I kept finding people wearing my clothes and one girl had torn out seems to change a jacket already. I made her give it back... But not just because it was mine it seemed there was something urgent i needed it for. It was an old military jacket. then All of a sudden I am running through some long hallway which seems also connected to the school... and I run into who I was apparently looking for, my best friends dad. But her mom is there too, which strikes me as odd because she has been dead since i was a kid. She looked at me weird for looking at her weird. then we turn around and go back down the hall but now it is an old folks home and we are having some sort of tour. Then we all get up and I am leading a huge group of people on a walk to the river where it looks like there is a lot of flooding. I decide we'll jump off of the damn and keep going in the waist deep water. But up ahead someone else does this and they get arrested. So we turn around and head back...

then my husband asks If i want breakfast and I realize i'm awake. that's the gist of it at least...

Jennifer and Patrick Finn said...

1. I swear, a lot. And sometimes I flip my husband off behind his back like a 12 year old girl when he pisses me off. (that last part is a bit embarrassing, but it's true.)
2. the last dream that I can remember is that I saw my brother Zach (he died 3 years ago of cancer) on the beach. But it wasn't him, but then it was, and I wanted to go to him but I wasn't sure if it was him or not and i started crying.
I think I had this dream because of the strange phenomenon that when someone close to you dies you start to see bits of them in other people. Or things that remind you of them. Or maybe that's just me.
3. I don't make coffee very well.

The Oak Leaves said...

Oh and as for cussing. Yes, i do it. far too much I suppose. Just for emphasis or when any little thing doesn't go my way. However, my parents brought me up to be a "young lady", and as far as they are concerned I have only cussed twice in sort of acceptable situations.

And they read my blog...

Yes, i am 27 and still feel like ill get in trouble if they find out .

BananaSaurusRex said...

Cussing is one of life's little joys. But I don't curse in my blog either. It's very inauthentic of me. I also try to leave out my political views, but sometimes they leak in. Also, I make fabulous coffee, but I'm a girl and I'm pretty sure you said "coffee boy" which is the teensiest bit sexist of you but I totally see the appeal.

momma J said...

your are an effing funny lady and I always enjoy your posts. thanks for sharing! YES I say naughty words all the damn time and I am embarrassed to admit that I have to young children and unfortunately that doesn't bleeping stop me. to answer you question I don't often remember my dreams but the last one I remember was last week sometime and I had a quick flash of a dream of my bestest friend who died like 7 years ago, she just appeared and my current best gal pal ran to her so excited to see her and all I could do was cry out of happiness to see her and that was it...just a flash! Do you happen to know why some remember their dreams more than others? what causes that?

Lynn D. said...

I don't cuss very often and people don't expect it of me, but when I do it makes a very big impact.

I have beeen having nothing but obstacle dreams lately; I have to achieve a goal or destination but it's always impossible. I'll wake up and when I go back to sleep I go right back to the dream. This morning's dream was I flew to the East coast with my husband and his friend. We had to be in New York for some important reason, but the plane landed in Boston. Flying from their to New York didn't seem to come up. I tried to make reservations for three on Greyhound, but was told they only made single reservations because the only people who ride Greyhound are sad people who ride alone. Then our friend had the brilliant idea to rent a car. It soon became clear, however, that he didn't intend to drive straight to New York, but was going to seize the occasion to make an extended tour of New England fall color!