Monday, July 8, 2013

i choose that


i want to talk about how really wonderful the wedding was and how the vows were loooooooong but entirely specific and authentic and captivating and how i danced for hours no joke and was really in the zone bc the DJ was so ON IT.

but i've got all sorts of OTHER swirling around in my head.

my car is being a real shit head.  it's either the battery or alternator and i have to jump it to get anywhere and right now i'm trying to jump it with a little mobile jumper but not having luck.  

so i'm blogging instead.

as soon as i get the thing going i'm going to one of those auto parts hell  stores to get what i need then hopefully plugging a couple slow leaks on a couple tires which, prior, i've been periodically filling to get by.

i tell you all this because in a previous lifetime i may have called a tow truck and had my mechanic just FIX IT.  but life changes.  the upside is that i understand how the battery and alternator and starter are all related (sort of) and i don't have to look at old receipts to remember my car is a V6.  the downside is i'd rather be drinking coffee and doing anything else.  

and there are other items on my worry list.  big ones.  ones which, frankly, are not public blog material.  and there are good but also anxiety producing things happening for instance, I'M MOVING!  

i want to tell you that this morning i was thinking how my life is A LOT of this and A LOT of that.  it's not a little of anything.  it's been this way for a few years now.  

there's a big amount of oh shit how are we going to get through this and an excess of change and adjustment and serious heartache.  and worry.  my brow is a-furrowed.  i could learn the same lesson with less.

but at the wedding this weekend i was thinking how there are some people in this life who are really IN IT.  they commit no matter what.  they are full of life even though half of it is shit and all of it absurd.  and they do and say dumb shit and act as pathetically and beautifully human as they can. 

and mostly i want to say i totally fucking choose that.



Susan said...

Upheaval sucks and needy cars in tenuous times are just plain evil. "Walking On A Wire" by Richard and Linda Thompson is a fave at times like this. I also find the Serenity Prayer to be a helpful friend. Best to you as the waves roll on... .

paula said...

keep up buttercup you're great and beautiful your honesty inspires

Anonymous said...

This poem always cheers me up! not that you need cheering, you always have a good attitude, and always share the love!

I salute you. I am your friend, and my love for you goes deep. There is nothing I can give you which you have not. But there is much, very much, that, while I cannot give it, you can take. No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it today. Take heaven! No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant.

Take peace! The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. There is radiance and glory in darkness, could we but see. And to see, we have only to look. I beseech you to look!

Life is so generous a giver. But we, judging its gifts by their covering, cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard. Remove the covering, and you will find beneath it a living splendor, woven of love by wisdom, with power. Welcome it, grasp it, and you touch the angel's hand that brings it to you.

Everything we call a trial, a sorrow or a duty, believe me, that angel's hand is there. The gift is there and the wonder of an overshadowing presence. Your joys, too, be not content with them as joys. They, too, conceal diviner gifts.

Life is so full of meaning and purpose, so full of beauty beneath its covering, that you will find earth but cloaks your heaven. Courage then to claim it; that is all! But courage you have, and the knowledge that we are pilgrims together, wending through unknown country home.

(Fra Giovanni)

lots of Joy,

Amy said...

so amazing. i'm in that new world with you, and i'm cheering you on.

abby said...

can't we have a beer or 2 together?!

Cynthia Myers said...

I hate when people say: "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."
Seriously hate it.
But it's true.